Well believe it or not i would have liked to have been adopted; when it was nearly happening and it was at a certain stage when it fell through ,well i will leave that for my other blog.
What would i change apart from changing into another person ,i'm only thinking of some different path say that you were going to take.
Well at one stage i proposed to this girl and she excepted and i loved her and i allways wondered if i had went through with it what might have happened, well for a start ' i could not believe it , she was perfect ,other guy's drooled over her ,what did she see in me, but she was 18 and we fell in love and ,her deal to me was (i knew her family were involved with the decision,which surprised me even more than her excepting) i should let her go to college and i had to move to Canada"well" at the time it was no problem ,i was 27 and had nothing apart from a drug habit she did not know about and i was still basicly living with another girl , allthough i had split up from her at the time i proposed, still it ended by me not going through with it because it was not fair on her or her family, even then my baggage was so fucked up .
still i often wondered about what could have happened ,the memory that is grilled into my brain is of her beauty and my housemates drooling over her along with all the men on the street and the best was she genuinely did not really know about the reaction she had on guy's, AH" what did she see in me i wonder even now.
Well that is one path that i wanted to take it could have meant less pain for me and i would not have arrived at this stage of my life where everything i see looking back is my own stupidity and the choices allmost made for me ,choices that were not really choices only the reactions to whatever situation that i was in at the time , Boy what situations i've been in and decisions taken by me were a lot of the time ,as i said" reactions to the given situation; a lot of the time situations that i had landed in that i hated myself for being in.
