I have found my forte ,I think.

I have been running round my internet through my computer getting angrier and angrier at the way the internet is being stolen out from under us ,in that it is now impossible to use your computer as you want .
For example i want to be free to float from part to part of the internet using servers as i like ,but my computer has ended up allmost taken over by these providers for hours on end sometime ,
I think it may be to do with security in that each time you do something out of the ordinary the providers security want's to know .so they turn on their scan ,and when it's runing i can not use my computer ,because of the power ,CPU usage ,my provider BT' has Mcafee ,and they don't allow you to turn off their scan ,they lock you out ,i got so angy i got rid off it ,even though it was free ,but hey'  in this world today ,beware of that word; Free .
But i think BT has installed security to protect themselves ,and that i understand because you could infect their whole system .  But why i  am angry ,is with their fucking up my Laptop by not allowing me to use my computer as i bought it for to move about free from wires all the time ,but they " so as they can stop all other providers getting access have done something that uses all my power so much so that it's ruined my batteries so much thatr when  pull out the power plug it goes off ,where as before they did what they did i had at least an hour or so .
I have spent hours with people at BT'     IT' unit ,  trying to get my computer to work through my wireless ,because  it is so crowded out in the ether 'it's like a war between all the providers .
Sometimes my computer made so much noise fromn the power of the scan that i have damaged it i think,because the more power'  CPU-usage  they can shut out all others,so whoever controls that on your computer .
Thats where the war is because my screen changes slightly when certain providers have managed to get get in ,and on top of that you have all the groups gathering thing's from your computer and sending out ,so whatever CPU-usage is left to use i get m, and sometimes it's so crowded that i am locked  out,  nearly," because i can't even play a game of chess, because i don't have enough CPU' left ,also'    some sites are a no no' because they are owned by the opposition .


I know very little about computer technology ,  so i may have not got it completely correct ,  but it's nearly right .
But what i mean by saying i have found my forte i mean i am going to try and use my computer as a means to protest at Human Rights' and hypocrisy in the media outlet's.


I hope i am making sense in this post because of late i have been bloody so angry with my computer and trying to get it working in the way it should ,that i have been so bloody irritable that i am beginning to throw thing's about because everywhere i go i do not get an answer ,or the answer i get is nonsense ,  ironically'  at the moment i wrote this down i got through my door a letter explaining to me  what the consultant thought about the test's ,guess what" they also give me answers that are nonsense ,saying nothing ' but actually lieing ,about something that was said ,or there has been a mix up in context of the words used in explanation . I am now not going to the bloody consultants again because they only build up your hopes and then do nothing .

                    TO EVERYONE ,IF YOU HAVE BACK PROBLEMS DO NOT IGNORE THEM GO AND GET HELP EARLY.

So back to my forte.


All that i said above was written when i was trying to deal with my computer problems ,and as it was a couple of weeks ago it was interesting reading it because of the problems i was going through at the time .
What happenned was that my BT internet provider stopped me getting access because of their software so their was a problem getting access to the internet ,infact i could not get access at all so the only thing i could do was buy a new computer (a very expensive one )as i am now stuck at home most of the time i thought it was worth the investment .
So on re-reading what i wrote at the time was interesting as to the state of my mind jumping from place to place .
As i started this Blog to try and give an insight as to what long term drug use does to the thinking capacity and the damage that may be done to being able to cope when you stop using drugs,and the day to day issues of daily life can be unsurmountable if problems arise .
I know now for a fact that there is damage done and whether it was from the accident's i have had or many other drug overdoses ,the fact is that my thought process is well and trully fucked up.

So when trying to deal with computer problems , mental health and physical health issue it's just  too much to think about .
So i am going to try and use my time by trying to get involved with "  Human Rights" and maybe try and bring attention to the real problems of others as mine are self inflicted and from many other peoples lives  point of view ,mine do not come anywhere near their very real problems.


That may all sound fine and dandy ,  but what on earth can i do ! especially as i cant use my computer properly as i would love to be able to download some pictures and videos  from sites and people who have a right to be heard and seen and the poor children in those pictures and videos deserve better and their lives and suffering need to be seen and heard ,  also those hypocrisyies that allow their suffering to go on unchecked need to be brought out into the light .
I thought if no-one was taking me seriously ,  i thought seeing pictures and videos ;would speak louder than anything i could say ,   in my amatuer way .

It is all very laudable but how to do it properly???
I also decided to leave my ramblings from before just to remind myself if i start getting too pompous and taking myself too seriously .