anger --and it`s power

in my attempts at trying to change into something that is nearer to the real person that is me ;you see so many years on drug`s leaves you a stranger as to what you have become ; most people get used to themselves as the years go by ,but"what if you have not had the experience of your normal feeling`s ,or "not know what a normal feeling is ;then you are a stranger ,not only to your feeling`s,but even how you have aged ,what sort of person are you ?.
well in my journey i`v met sides of myself that i despise .the angry man that is me and how i take my anger out on others that are trying to help me ,i`m talking about a trainee psychologist that i`v been seeing recently and how i`v never gave her a chance and how badly i`v treated her ,my behaviour is appalling when i`m so bloody angry ,angry at what i`v become ,angry at the way i treat people ,angry at having no money ,angry at being stuck at home ,angry at life ,blaming everyone else or my self inflicted suffering but most of all i hate myself for the way i treated the poor girl that tried to help me IE the psychologist .itried to phone her and apologise but she was`nt in ,so i`ll just have to live with it for the moment till i see her .
there is so much that i`m angry at ,my pain ,my not working and having to rely on handouts from the state and angry at feeling sorry for myself ,angry at having no bloody answers angry at crying all the time angry at the world angry at not wanting to live in this world,angry at not being able to think straight.
what to do with anger ? i don`t know -----.